Happy Holidays

Happy Holidays everyone. I hope you all had a safe and happy Thanksgiving. We had a nice Turkey Day here at the Krauss house. Lex and I cooked for the whole brood, so we were busy all day but we had a good time in the kitchen together. I recently acquired an antique bin table from Lex's family and it gave us some added "counter space" which was very helpful. Surfaces darling, surfaces...

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The bin table is on the left with some of the early prepped food cooling. I felt very fancy for a few minutes when I realized I actually had a centerpiece for the table, and it was even in the proper fall colors. I totally lucked into that, those flowers were "treasure". Hilaire and Dylan helped us fix the food. Hilaire baked pies and got up in the morning with us to clean and stuff the turkey. They both peeled potatoes and Dylan helped with other odd chores throughout the day. I have evidence:


So here's why I only felt fancy for a few minutes with the centerpiece. My family doesn't dress up for Thanksgiving. It is definitely not a day where we feel like we need to squeeze our butts into unforgiving pants and then be uncomfortable after we eat. Which is all day, because we eat all day. Don't you? I tell you, nothing beats an elastic waist band on Turkey Day. Hellllllloooooooo Sweats! Did I mention that I'm a very sloppy cook too? The last thing I want to be wearing in the kitchen is something that I want to wear in public someday. When everyone was done filling their plates, Lex and I did a quiet high-five and sat down for the first time in hours. Ahhhh.



Haha, look at the second picture and you can see how tall we all are! After dinner we all rolled around a bit, then went back in for pie. Mmmmm, piiiiiiie.... I'll save you all some time and tell you that Christmas will be the same way except that we'll probably have ham instead of turkey and sometime before I want to be awake we will drink coffee while the kids open presents. Christmas is a bit more exciting this year because it's our first with Hilaire.

Happy Birthday Hilaire!

Yesterday was Hilaire's 17th birthday. We had a party for her at our house with some friends and family. Here are some highlights:





It was a fun evening with an interesting mix of new and old family, and new and old friends. Hilaire really enjoyed herself and she is very excited to be 17. We are happy that she was here with us to celebrate.

HaHA!

I have been sitting at my computer, mostly un-interrupted for an hour and a half. I checked my Facebook notifications, read my e-mail, checked on my favorite blogs, read the news, and drank my excessively large cup of coffee. I feel vindicated.

How, you ask, did I accomplish this? Well, last night while my sweet family lie sleeping I slipped them all a good dose of liquid morphine and they are all sleeping soundly (for several more hours - yippee!)

Haha, just kidding. But the thought occurs to me occasionally... Really though the way this happened is that my husband's band Rootstock had a gig in Fort Bragg and stayed the night there so he's not home. Dylan has a friend over and they are busy playing Wii, which has the added benefit of sucking the other kids in and leaving me to peacefully pursue the things that help me warm up to the day that is before me.

I have several cakes to make in the next 2 weeks and will be very busy. I have made a few that I haven't posted pictures of yet too, so when I get all caught up there will be several new things to see. Also, I started a blog specifically for my cake ventures and when I have something actually on it I will post a link. It will require a few more miraculous mornings like this one to get that done but I'm optimistic (and ready with the morphine).

Finally, a change!

I really do not like to leave sad or negative posts up for long periods of time, but that is the way it works out sometimes. How is it that we can have 5, yes FIVE computers in the house but I still have to ask someone to get off of MY computer so I can post to my blog, or pay the bills, or just check my e-mail and maybe surf the net a bit? Here's how. I have butt-planters. They are indoor creatures that plant butts and grow, similar to annuals, similar to perennials, but they are most similar to weeds. You know what a weed is right? Something that grows where you don't want it to grow. My butt-planters plant and set root and grow.

My husband has 2 computers set up in our bedroom but he won't allow either of them to be online. They are strictly for his music and his games. So the hours that he spends on myspace checking all the musician's profiles and respnding to "fan mail" are hours spent on my computer, limiting my access to my computer. Dylan's computer is tucked nicely away in his bedroom and only gets used sometimes. Why, you ask? Well, because Dylan's computer won't run World of Warcraft (WOW) and mine will so the hours that he spends online playing WOW are hours spent on my computer, limiting my access. Hilaire's computer does everything she wants it to do but we only allow her limited access until she can learn to prioritize and organize appropriately. So her use doesn't tie up my computer (anymore) and I can't complain about that (anymore).

However, between my husband and my son, I can't get on the computer long enough to accomplish much of anything. If I turn the computer on - say on a Saturday or Sunday morning - with the intention of reading the news or writing on my blog or some such thing, it is very short lived. Typically it lasts about 10 minutes before someone needs something from me and I invariably vacate my chair, leaving it vulnerable to attack from butt-planters. It seems the instant I get up to serve my family, another set of cheeks plants itself in my chair in front of my computer. As of that point I have lost control of my computer for the remainder of the day. If the butt-planter is my husband I've lost the seat for hours, and on top of that I "get" to listen to all the music he listens to from myspace music members asking for approval. Why he feels obligated to listen to every start-up band's offerings before he adds them as friends, I do not know. Maybe if I gave a rat's ass about myspace I would understand but I don't. If the butt-planter is Dylan, I simply ask him to find a good place to quit playing and he usually does pretty quickly and lets me back at my computer for a limited period.

But then, once I've booted someone, I feel obligated to hurry and do what I need to do so the butt-planting intruders can get back to what they were doing before I interrupted them! See, they hover, the butt-planters. I think they are attracted to the warmth of the the chair. They stand over me and read over my shoulder and fidget - and they wait. And, because they hover I certainly don't feel like I can sit down and enjoy myself the way they do. I also feel pulled by all the household chores and family needs that don't require a computer to accomplish, and when one of those things does pull me away for whatever brief period of time, the butt-planters slip in and take root. So things like blog postings, return e-mails, business cards, letters, bills, and any other thing that I might do on my computer get left for last - and then only squeezed in as I find time to steal my computer back in the darkest hours of the evening when I really should be sleeping.

My blog posts are best not written late at night (see below). That's when the sad, angry, hurt or otherwise disgruntled feelings come out and they get posted and then left for weeks to suck the joy out of anyone who might have been in a good mood but then they go to my blog not only to see the same old post, but the same old sad post up and then they are not so happy anymore. The emotional vampire blog. That's what I have here.

Until I find a way to reclaim MY computer from the chair stealing butt-planters, that's the way it is. For all of us.

The Great Equalizer

Tonight I hurt. I have a pain that is an all consuming, whole-body hurt, down to the very bone.

I didn't know that pain like this existed. I've known hurt before - but not like this; and now I've known this ultra-pain for three and a half years.

Brandon's birthday is Monday. He would be seven, had he survived. In second grade. This birthday of his, this month, this year, is especially hard for me. Because, now he has been gone for as long as he was here. I have missed him and ached for him for as many days as I held him and loved him. I see his pictures every day. I have them posted at work, they are hung on my walls at home, and they play a continuous loop in my head all day. But only when I feel this horrible pain do I hear his voice, and feel his touch. No, it's the other way around. It is when I am able to clearly remember his voice, and able to clearly remember his gentle touches that I feel this pain.

But Brandon's touches weren't always gentle. Not until he got sick at least. Before he got sick he was a strong, aggressive, brute of a toddler. His hero was the Incredible Hulk. After he got sick he had moments of brutishness, but they were most often followed by a loving touch, a sincere apology and a promise to be nice. I'll be nice mommy, I promise... Those things kill me. Well, sometimes I wish they would. That's the power of The Pain.

When I turned 23, my mom had just turned 46. For nearly a year she was twice as old as I was, and I think it was my dad that said it was a special year because that probably wouldn't happen again. Brandon's birthday this year is the doubling of his own final age. I will never be twice as old as him. (However, I will be twice as old as Dylan when I am 46)

This particular passing of time feels unsafe to me. How can I be here longer than he was? How can I leave this bubble of time-measurement protection? Up until now I comforted myself by saying that at least I had him for longer than I haven't had him. That's no longer true, and tonight that reality hit me. For evermore he will be missed more and longer than I knew was possible.

Happy Birthday Brandon. You're even now, little monk-boy.

Four Play

Four jobs I have had:

1. Office Manager
2. HR Specialist
3. Court Administrator
4. Retail Supervisor

Four places I have lived:

1. California
2. Colorado
3. New Mexico
4. Missouri

Four places I have traveled to:

1. Mexico
2. Canada
3. Hawaii
4. Across the US

Four of my favorite foods:

1. Bacon cheeseburger
2. Pie a la mode
3. Pizza
4. Brownies

Four places I wish to visit:

1. Alaska (Northern Lights)
2. Disney World
3. Panama Canal (cruise)
4. New Orleans (Mardi Gras)

Ukiah High Dance Team

Check out the video of my daughter performing for the first time with the dance team.

That's the first Ukiahi football game I've been to, so I haven't seen the dance team perform before but I heard a lot of comments around me that they looked better than they did last year. They have only been practicing together for a month and I thought they looked pretty good for that little amount of practice. Having been on the flag/drill team in my day I know that it can take a lot longer than that to get it all together. I'm looking forward to seeing them perform throughout the year and it's nice to have an excuse to go to the football games too. We live less than a mile from the high school and we can always hear the games going on, now we will see them too.